Saturday, May 30, 2009

Crumple Zone

The best moment is right before you realise things are about to come to a head.



Crumple zone

That's a write-off.

Goddamn it to fucking hell.

I just breathe in light, and breathe out unconditional love, close my fingers together, and accept the present, hope for a better future.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Gotto have a good vibe

Hey the title says it all. Got to have a good vibe. And I am the first to want to follow that instruction every fucking day. I have advantage of experience on my side, today when my bicycle was stolen, for prime example of meditation being a positive vibration.

I had my bicycle stolen and felt like a victim. I looked for a perpetrator and decided not to blame myself for its theft. After I pissed on the urinal I decided to breathe in light, and breathe out mother fucking uncoditional love to that son of bitch! And I felt warm red heat coming out of my wrists, and my tension eased and radiated in the form of uncoditional love!

I had the ability to dispel my shock and face an anomaly to my day such as my brand new store bought 6 hour old bicycle getting stolen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I did it within 20 minutes of feeling victimised, able to maximise my control and emit the emotion as love rather than hate.... It was strange like walking in snow on a 20 degree warm sunny day with your top off and fur boots on your feet.

Friday, May 22, 2009

Awareness and self knowledge

It's interesting what I'm learning in class, about hatred of things vs. seeking things are both delusions and the equivalent of approaches that go to extremes and don't make us happy.

Yesterday I identified some parts of my 'conditioning' or 'knots' as we are referring to in class, in the phrasings of activities that give me a low ache when I don't perform them. The knowledge that I 'should' be doing my homework, between 10am -12 pM and that I 'should' wake up by 10 am to do it, really causes a disruption when I wake up at 12 pm and feel a low level of self-degradation/ self-punishment for failing to meet such 'easy' targets.

I identified that one of the things that I have categorised in my subconscious as a 'should' is that 'I should be happy'.

One of the other shoulds is 'I should' follow a schedule. For some unclear reason, when I 'should' do certain things without a relevant state that I want to attain or condition myself to attain, then things that I 'should' feel or do or think become unattained, and thus linger in a low-lying tingle of dissatisfaction and the sense of reaching for ideals of 'shoulds' that may be impossible to reach without super-Delanian strength.

The idea of authentic happiness is something of an undefined state of being and comes from an unusual source, and I think it is self-defined happiness, that is the closest I can come to understanding the idea. I have to think that if I am happy for a self-defined reason, whatever that reason is has to be a 'want' rather than a 'should'.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009


I am talking about my favourite man of the moment Buddha and I'm talking about him in a class, where I have no fucking clue about both Buddhism or Psychology. the great thing is that I don't have to give much concern for the two topics, as the info will be provided. I simply have to assimilate it and perform some sort of scientific study of what intersections there are between buddhism and western philosophy.

Buddha makes me think good

I am quite excited about having had my first day at university. The best thing about it being that I am as excited as I was about starting school back in 2006 when I left the horrible and deathly squalid education labor camp known as chemical engineering and started studying something that actually interested me. I am so much better off taking my time, finishing my undergrad, taking 8 years so what? I don't give a fuck.

Today I learned some similiarities and differences between Buddhism and western Psychology, that we are talking about the most basic concept of buddhism and its intersection, without the aspects of supernatural or religion.

The biggest thing I learned today was that we are meant to 'untie the knots' that we are conditioned to have and that self delusion is not something that a buddhist mentality can call healthy. So if my idea of life pursuits was to have a career to reward myself with endless gifts of material items, that can be considered a source of unhappiness from knowing that these may one day be taken away from one.

Ah I also learned that some gurus are not as innocent as they seem and are capable of doing horrible things to their students.

The day ended with a bang, since I saw all sorts of friends, and had a great time in a group. I couldn't put myself to bed early enough, so I am wanting sleep now.

I decided to listen to some good music that I love,